


The Smallest Touch

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Spirits and Cocaine [5]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Infidelity, Let's be honest, M/M, Missing Scene, One Shot, Secret Relationship, Short & Sweet, all these fics are the same, and I write what I like, i like what i like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29265726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: Silence and a hand held.Reassurance and solidarity.
Relationships: Steve Murphy/Javier Peña
Series: Spirits and Cocaine [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100027
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	The Smallest Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Hand holding

Javier stepped into the small office he and Steve shared, the door clicking closed behind him, as he leaned heavily against it. Steve was at his desk, face buried in his hands, unmoving and still in a way that made Javi’s chest ache. The briefing, if it could be called that, had been a highlight reel of their worst hits these past few months, a scathing review of the work they had done to catch Escobar and exactly zero progress they’d made.

The thing was, he understood where the director was coming from, knew there was pressure from the higher ups and shit always rolled downhill, landing directly on them. Today just hadn’t been the day for it, not with the handful of innocent people found dead and the increasing hostility from the Colombian Government, they really didn’t need one more insult.

Slumping against the door, Javi tried to ignore the way his fingers itched for another cigarette, the way he couldn’t bring himself to keep looking at Steve and the defeated slop of his shoulders. Javier had been here before, too many times to count, he knew what hopelessness tasted like, how it drenched everything in a slow acting poison of pointlessness.

Normally, he’d find Carrillo, plan a flurry of raids that at least made him feel like they were doing _something_ , helping _someone_. He’d spend the night with a bottle and a girl who knew just enough not to ask questions and start the day over again, shrugging off the misery of the day before.

But…well that wasn’t really an option this time around.

Javier didn’t think Steve would get any satisfaction from a few raids, didn’t think he knew how to handle this shit show at all, and he’d seen what he resorted to when Connie left. Javi knew, with a bone deep certainty, that he wasn’t going anywhere tonight, knew that any pleasure he gleaned from one of his woman’s touches, would be cheap and empty compared to that of Steve’s…compared to what they’d been doing together for the past three months.

With a sigh, he pushed himself off the door and headed for his desk, shoving a stack of files out of way so he could perch on the edge, arms crossed over his chest. He looked at Steve, could just barely see from this angle the photos scattered across his desk, crime scenes of the dead, the innocents.

“Quit looking at that crap Steve,” he lowered his voice. “It isn’t helping anybody.” He didn’t move, face still buried in his hands, body stiff and Javier was at a bit of a loss, didn’t know how to offer comfort, far to used to dealing with it on his own. Distance was the only solution he could offer, “Okay, come on man, head on home for the day, I’ll be there in an hour or so. I’ll write up the report for this morning…you should-”

Javi’s words cut off, throat and lungs seemingly strangling the sounds out of him before he could dare make the suggestion. Clenching his jaw, he glanced at the floor, willing himself to just say it, no big deal, so long as it helped Steve.

“What?”

He didn’t need to look up to know his partner was no longer hiding behind his hands, voice drawn and exhausted, maybe a little angry for all the wrong reasons. Steve didn’t like to be coddled, didn’t like to be told what to do but he’d seemed to be making space for Javi to do just that…ever since Connie and it made him want to do right by the other man. He’d been about to suggest Steve give her a call, vent a little, listen to Olivia playing and giggling in the background, get his mind off of all this. Yet saying the words had proved difficult and that just wasn’t fair of him.

Running a hand over his own face, Javi met Steve’s eyes, darker than he’d ever seen them, expression drooping in a way that just didn’t fit on the other man and that was prompt enough to get him talking, “Head home Steve, call your wife, talk to your daughter, and I’ll join you in an hour or two, make some dinner, the usual, okay?”

They stared at each other, Steve’s face doing something complicated and Javi’s stomach twisting uncomfortably. He could practically feel the words his partner wanted to say, the quiet reassurances that were whispered against his skin in the dead of night, lips moving against his own, delivering them directly into his mouth, onto his tongue, words that had no place in the daylight.

Javi wasn’t naïve and Steve used to be but that side of his was chiseled away with each body, each funeral, each car bomb, each night with an empty apartment. Here they were partners and nothing more, they were friends, they were confidents, and only at night they were lovers. Their office, of which they were fully aware, had a plethora of bugs to monitor their activities, their cars too though Javi had yet to find them…only in their apartments did they take a chance.

One day…the chase would end.

One day…Steve would go back to his family and Javi just hoped he would be a fond memory.

Steve stood up abruptly, chair grinding loudly against the tiled floor and Javier closed his eyes, breathed, didn’t dare open them even as he felt him step into his space, always getting in his fucking space. A hand, familiar and calloused slipped into his, squeezing gently, holding him and that…that was all.

Silence and a held hand.

Reassurance and solidarity.

Javier wanted to pull him into his embrace, wanted to bury his face in the side of Steve’s neck, wanted to breath in his scent and listen to his voice but this was enough, this was more than he should have, and he was not a greedy man.

The achy, nauseous feeling that had settled in his gut, over his skin, since they’d found those bodies, the message that had been left for them, slowly started to dissipate, stopped stinging quite so sharply.

Opening his eyes, he found himself overtaken by Steve’s familiar eyes, their knowing, understanding, implacable gaze, the one that used to drive him crazy but was now they only thing he wanted to see when he woke in the morning.

They were alright, they would be okay.

Steps came from outside, moving toward their office and Steve squeezed his hand one last time, “I’ll see you at home.”

Javi nodded and just as a knock sounded on their door and he expected Steve to let go, he held on a moment longer, “soon?”

Nodding again, he offered a small smile, “soon.”


End file.
